Bringing Out the Best in You

In the previous lesson, you looked at abilities, resources, and people that could help you achieve what you want. Now consider the qualities you would like to bring to that effort yourself.

Think of a quality you admire in someone that would help you achieve what you desire. Perhaps they are patient, kind, calm under stress, interested in others, or willing to take initiative. Would you like to express more of that quality?

You may already express it in some situations. You might be patient when teaching someone a skill but impatient when learning something yourself. You may readily encourage a friend while being much harder on yourself.

Recognizing where a quality already appears gives you something to build on. This brings us back to appreciation, including appreciation of yourself.

Choose a quality that connects with your values and would help you pursue what you want to achieve. If you want a closer relationship with your family, you might choose to be calmer under stress when something has gone wrong, or when you feel your partner or child has made a mistake. If you want to develop a skill, patience or willingness to ask questions might help.

Then find a simple opportunity to express that quality.

You can show appreciation by telling someone what you value about something they did. You can take initiative by beginning a task you have been putting off. You can practice patience by giving yourself time to understand what happened.

Sometimes it helps to consider why you have held back on a quality. Perhaps keeping quiet avoided an argument, or keeping your distance protected you from being hurt. Understanding this can help you choose where and how to act more in line with how you want to be.

Choose a situation where the quality would be useful and appropriate. Being open does not require sharing private matters with everyone. Being kind does not mean accepting poor treatment. You can be considerate and still have clear limits.

Try the action and notice what happens. How did you feel? What became easier? What would you do differently next time?

It may feel awkward at first. Give yourself a chance to try again. As you express a quality more often, you may find that it becomes a more natural part of how you approach life.

Try this

Choose one quality that fits your values and would help you achieve what you want.

Recall a time when you expressed it, even slightly. Then choose one situation in which to practice it.

Afterwards, write down what you did and what you noticed. Keep this with your notes from the earlier lessons.